


Not A Monster

by PepperTheSassySpy



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Being a patient friend, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes and the 21st Century, Crochet, Crushes, F/M, Female Reader, Fluff with a little Angst, Steve is a good friend, Sweet gifts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-25 23:34:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12046635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperTheSassySpy/pseuds/PepperTheSassySpy
Summary: As reader helped Bucky get used to modern life, she started to grow feelings for him. Bucky cares for her too, but both are too unsure to make the first move until Bucky is clumsy and reader makes a heartfelt item.





	Not A Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone! My first story on here so please be nice! :) Enjoy!

You strolled into the rec room to see Bucky on an armchair reading a book, his brow furrowed in concentration. He seemed to always have a look of irritated focus on his face and it made you smile in amusement. 

Ever since getting the old Bucky back, Bucky had been staying at the Avengers’ tower. Steve was certainly happy to have his best friend back and was glad he was so close, since he lived at the tower now as well. You were especially happy about that fact too because you lived in the tower as well as them and got to see the two interact constantly, which was always entertaining. Plus, this meant you were able to help Steve with his mission. 

Steve’s mission wasn’t as dangerous as his missions usually were, but he did need your help. You had been aiding Steve in getting Bucky used to the twenty-first century and because of this had gotten to know Bucky quite well. He only opened up or talked a lot to you on occasion, but Steve would share stories of him and Bucky from back in the day with you fairly often. You were pretty sure it was just Steve’s way of making you like Bucky more and continue to help him with his best friend, though. It was all too obvious Steve appreciated your patience in helping Bucky and not getting mad at his moody demeanor, after all. Everyone else kept their distance or would watch Bucky warily, like he was a snake ready to strike at any moment. You were the only one to really help Steve and who truly wanted to know the real Bucky, not that you could truly blame the others given the Winter Soldier’s past. 

Through all this, you had begun to develop feelings for the stoic man. True, he was different now than the loveable and charming Bucky in Steve’s stories, but sometimes you'd catch glimpses of the old him when he'd be around Steve. He was always more relaxed and more himself around Steve, especially if the pair were alone. Sometimes you'd watch from a nearby room, seeing Bucky’s scowl shift into laughter as Steve told a joke. Bucky wasn't nearly as bitter as everyone seemed to be convinced he was. Deep down, he was a good man...a good man you were starting to love.

Shaking your head, you brought yourself back to the present. “Hey, Bucky…” You smiled at him as you made your way to the couch.

He made a grunt, not even looking up from his book. You took it as a greeting and settled on the couch with your bag. Bucky didn't even acknowledge you were there, but that was fine. He enjoyed his silence and you would simply consider it a step forward if he would stay in your company. Trying to be as quiet as possible, you put your bag on the floor beside you and stretched out on the couch. Reaching into the bag you withdrew a skein of yarn, dropping it on your lap before pulling out a crochet needle. It took you a moment to decide what to crochet, but then you came up with a clever idea and set to work.

From his place on the armchair, Bucky glanced up from his book to watch you. He greatly enjoyed spending time with you, though he had yet to tell you this. You would always be considerate and quiet when around him, which he loved. Sometimes you'd try to make conversation and he'd talk to you. Other times, he'd snap at you or be grumpy and you'd let it go. He'd mentally curse himself for being rude, but you'd just give a little smile and go back to whatever you were doing. Your patience always amazed him. Everyone else, except for Steve, would avoid him or seem bothered by him, yet you weren't like that at all.  
Bucky was currently trying to figure out what you were doing and hadn't even realized his book was laying limply in his lap and he had been staring until you glanced up. Your eyes flicked up to meet his confused stare and a smile spread across your lips in amusement. Bucky felt his face warm at being caught and quickly asked you a question, scoffing to cover his embarrassment. “Are you knitting?”

“Crocheting, but close.” You smiled as you turned back to your project. Bucky continued to watch you from across the room as you switched to a different colored yarn. He felt mesmerized as he watched your hands skillfully move the needle through the yarn. After a few minutes, he came over and sat on the couch near you. Your heart quickened at the closeness as he watched you work. He rarely got this close to you, but you loved it when he did.

You didn't want to make mistakes with Bucky watching so your hands moved slower, nervous at having him so close. As you worked, Bucky slowly moved closer, your heads only inches apart. Occasionally, you'd backtrack after missing a stitch, but Bucky didn't comment on you making mistakes. He just continued to sit and watch your hands move. It was so peaceful and quiet...

Then there was a soft noise by the doorway, making you both look up. Your faces were so close, you couldn't help but blush. Bucky’s eyes widened and he turned to see what the noise was. You followed his gaze to see Steve in the doorway. He was watching the two of you with a warm smile on his face. With a sigh, you tossed your project into your bag. It had been short, but you had loved the little moment with Bucky before it was interrupted. “What's with the grin, Steve?”

He chuckled. “Nothing.”

Bucky snorted, leaning back on the couch and casually draped his arms across the back, one ending up behind you. “All this time and you still haven't gotten any better at lying.”

Steve walked over to sit in the chair Bucky had been in earlier. “Always see right through me, Buck.” His eyes flicked between you and Bucky. “It's just nice to see you smiling, Bucky. I'm glad (Name) has gotten you to relax a bit.” He turned his gaze on you. “Thank you, (Name).”

A beaming smile spread across your face at his praise. “No prob, Steve! I love keeping this guy out of trouble.” 

Bucky snorted. “Yeah, okay.”

You giggled and ruffled his hair. It was incredibly soft and you knew it wouldn't make him mad for you to mess it up. Often, you'd love to sit and play with it and it was rare he didn't let you. It was one one of the few things he seemed to always be alright with, even more so than talking. Sometimes you'd catch yourself wishing you could just relax with Bucky and have him lay his head on your lap as you ran your fingers through his hair. It was so easy to picture his eyes closed peacefully as he slept, relaxed into slumber by your touch…

“(Name)?” You blushed as you realized you had zoned out, daydreaming. Steve and Bucky were staring at you in worry. Bucky’s eyebrows moved low over his eyes as he stared at you, trying again. “You okay?”

“Ye...yeah! Sorry. I was just thinking of something.” You gave a sheepish smile, before glancing at the clock and seeing what time it was. It was getting late and your show came on in a little bit. With wide eyes, you jumped to your feet then looked down at the Winter Soldier beside you. “Thanks for keeping me company, while I crocheted, Bucky.” You dropped back onto the couch and gave him a kiss on the cheek. His stubble had grown out a little and it tickled your lips, making you giggle again. “Later, boys!” You snatched up your bag and went running off toward your room.

Steve smiled and gave you a wave, watching you go. Once you were out of eyesight, he glanced at Bucky and saw him staring after you wistfully. Steve felt his lips curl in a playful smile. “Buck…?”

“Hmm?” His gaze stayed focus on where you had disappeared to.

“Do you…” Steve was nearly certain, but he often misjudged in this category. “Do you...have a crush on (Name)?”

Immediately, Bucky’s eyes snapped to Steve, a battle of emotions in his blue eyes. Steve recognized the anger and the confusion, they were common in Bucky nowadays...but there was something else he didn't recognize. “No. Maybe. I don't know...” He sighed and slid a hand up his face, pushing his hair back.

“It’s okay if you do…”

“Is it?” Bucky’s eyes snapped back to Steve’s face, anger brimming in them. “I've killed how many people, Steve? Yeah, you put in a good word for me and now I can be one of the good guys, but I'm still a murderer. I'm still broken.” He looked down at his metal arm leaning on his knee. “...still a monster…”

Steve felt his heart go out to his best friend. The man before him was so lost. They'd been best friends since childhood, so of course Steve always saw the best in Bucky, but if he was honest with himself he knew Bucky had a point. He was a good man and it wasn't his fault he had done the awful things he had. It was Hydra’s fault, but Bucky still had to live with the fact that, regardless of this, his hands had held the guns for so many murders and his finger had pulled the trigger on countless assassinations. Steve walked over and sat beside his friend, resting a hand on his shoulder. “She could never love me back, Steve...and she deserves better either way.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up at Bucky proclaiming his love for you to him. “That's her decision to make. Don't take yourself out of the running just yet, Buck.”

Bucky glanced at him with a smirk. “Says the guy that has gone on less dates than any of us.”

Steve laughed. “Tell ya what. If you and (Name), end up together, I'll double date with you all you want.”

His best friend grinned. “If it happens...I'll hold you to that.”

~~~~~

So for a couple of weeks, you worked steadily on your project. It was hard to have time to sit and work on it between missions, so it was taking longer than you would have liked. Sometimes you'd find Bucky and keep him company, but more often you'd be quietly crocheting in the rec room or on the tower’s large balcony and he'd come join you. Somehow he always gave you the impression he had been looking for you, but you quickly pushed the hopeful thought away. At the very least he seemed more comfortable around you lately.

Currently, you were out on the large balcony, enjoying the nice breeze as it blew your (h/c) hair around. You were curled up on a large lounge chair, barely taking up half of it and hidden behind the large back. The yarn had to switch colors again and you were so focused on not messing up, you didn't hear Bucky approach.

His hand grasped the top of the chair as he grinned down at you triumphantly. “There you are, doll! Been looking everywhere for you.” After you had offhandedly commented on his scruff getting to be too much, he had shaved it all off and was eager to show you how smooth his face now was. Secretly, Bucky hoped you'd kiss the soft skin or stroke his face to see how smooth it was. Bucky liked his scruff, but the possibility of this happening had been too overpowering. He had also been tempted to cut his hair short too, look more like the old Bucky, but he loved when you'd play with it and it seemed to go with this new version of Bucky, so he left it. A new look for a new Bucky seemed appropriate.

“That so…?” Your eyes stayed fixed on your project, making Bucky frown. He had grown used to always seeing you give him attention when he was near. You'd immediately smile at his approach and talk to him when he came in a room. Naturally, he didn't know you were working on a tricky part and that was why he didn't command your focus at the moment. You always seemed to crochet so naturally and easy, he struggled to believe you when you tried to explain you had difficult points in it. 

The Winter Soldier sat at the end of the lounge chair and watched your focused face. You were adorably biting your lip in focus, making his stomach twist. There was something about when you did that…it made him want to kiss you so badly. A few times he had enough courage to put his arm on the back of the couch, behind you, as the two of you watched a movie or give you a hug if you were down, but he had yet to summon the courage to kiss you. He had been smooth with girls back in the day, not struggling at all with talking to them or flirting with them. Yet with you, he was at a loss. It wasn't just this modern age. It was you… 

You still hadn't looked at him and he was starting to get nervous. Were you mad at him? He couldn't think of anything he had done. Was there something he could do to make you smile and notice him? Suddenly, Bucky remembered a movie he had seen earlier that week with Clint, Natasha, and you. Two people had been talking and the man leaned in to kiss the woman’s neck, making her sigh happily. He had glanced at you, seeing a dreamy expression on your face. Maybe… It’d take all his courage, but he'd do anything to make you smile.

As you worked, Bucky scooted closer and leaned in to give you a hug, nuzzling your neck softly, giving your neck a feather light kiss. “Are you mad at me, doll…?” Bucky made his voice low and smooth as caramel, breath ghosting over your skin.

Your eyes widened and you made a soft noise of surprise, your needle slipping from your fingers and falling to the ground. “B...Bucky…?”

Now it was his turn to not be focused on you. Being this close, he could smell your fruity shampoo and your body spray. He inhaled deeply. The scent of apples drifted from your hair and the scent of cotton candy drifted off your skin. Bucky hummed happily, nuzzling your neck again. His spell was broken when you made another soft sound and he realized what he was doing. Immediately, he pulled back, noticing you wore a faint blush to match his. His eyes darted down to the forgotten needle and he leaned down to grab it the same time you did...making your heads thud off one another. 

“Owww…” You rubbed your sore forehead. 

Bucky grimaced. Great. Real smooth, Barnes… He rubbed his own forehead before looking at you. “I'm sorry! Are you okay, (Name)?”

“Yeah, just a bump.” You smiled at him sweetly, and he felt his heart pick up its pace. Then your expression shifted into something shy and nervous. “Bucky, I…”

“Let me make it up to you!” For the life of him, Bucky wasn't sure why he had interrupted you. What had you been about to say?! “Let me take you out to dinner tonight.”

For a second, you looked disappointed at being cut off, but then your look shifted into amusement. “I'd love to, but be careful.” You gathered up your things and stood, smiling at him. “You say that to a girl nowadays and she'll think you're asking her out on a date.” Bucky was opening his mouth to say that that's what he had meant, when you leaned in and kissed his forehead. “And no more headbutts.” You winked playfully and headed off, laughing.

He sat, stunned. His skin lightly tingled from where you had kissed it. You had kissed his cheek a few times, but his forehead was a first. It had thrown him. “...yes, ma’am…”

~~~~~

Later that night, you and Bucky went out to a nice restaurant for dinner. You wore a simple (f/c), sleeveless dress that showed off your curves and Bucky wore a dark polo, jacket, and dress pants. You giggled when you saw how dark his wardrobe always seemed to be. He frowned. “What?”

“Nothing. You look very handsome.” With a smile, you looped your arm through his, before he could comment on your dress, and began to guess where Bucky would be taking you for dinner as you walked to your mystery destination.

Now the two of you sat in a small restaurant that Bucky said reminded him of one he knew of from back in the day. It was a quaint place and, although it was pretty crowded, quiet. “I love it. Thank you for taking me out, Bucky.”

“Of course.” He smiled as he watched how you kept looking around at the decor. Your eyes lit up like a little kid on Christmas day whenever you encountered something new and exciting. He loved that sweet innocence about you…and pretty much everything else too.

The two of you ordered and were just finishing, waiting for the check, when one of the couples nearby opened the window at their booth. It had gotten cool while you had been in the building, so you shivered at the brisk air. Bucky frowned as he saw you grasp your arms, trembling. “Are you cold? Do you want my jacket?”

Bucky was such a gentleman! You smiled at him shyly. A guy had never offered you his jacket before. It was straight out of a romance movie! “That's okay, Bucky. We just have to wait for the check, then we're heading home. It won't be that long.”

“You'll be cold till then, though.” Bucky stood, a look of determination on his face as he circled the table to get to you. He shrugged off his jacket and slid it on your shoulders. You made a happy sigh and tugged the warm material around you. He sat back down and chuckled as you slid your arms in the sleeves. Your nails could barely be seen out the bottom. “Little big on you...but at least you won't be cold.”

“Thank you.” A tiny smirk played on your lips and you leaned in, gesturing for him to lean closer and whispered so only he would hear. “Ironic for the Winter Soldier to warm me up…”

He smirked back. “Yeah…” He was ready to say something snarky back, but Bucky’s smirk faltered at being so close to you and suddenly you were leaning even closer to him, eyes closing. His heart raced, but he leaned in too, his eyes closing as well. Your lips were only inches apart when a loud whisper reached his ears.

“Is that him...?” Bucky froze, his eyelids snapping open. He pulled back and looked toward the table where two elderly women were staring at your table and whispering. “He's the one who killed all those people, isn't he…?”

When your lips failed to meet Bucky’s, you opened your eyes to see his eyes flicking from table to table. There was a fearful expression on his face as a bead of sweat slid down his temple. Something was wrong. Then you began to register the hushed voices all around you.

“Look at that arm…!”

“He’s a monster.”

“She could do better than someone like him.”

“He ought to be in prison...”

One middle-aged man scoffed as he regarded you. “Only one type of girl would go out with someone like that.”

Your gaze drifted around nervously before returning to Bucky. He was staring down at the table fiercely, hands grasping his silverware. The voices were hushed as if trying to pretend they were being polite, but they sounded like thunder in his ears. He had given you his jacket without even thinking. His polo had short sleeves and easily revealed his metal arm without his jacket to cover it. The spoon in his left hand made a soft noise as he squeezed it, bending the metal. Bucky was pretty attractive, but didn't stand out too much when he had his arm covered. Not many people noticed just a metal hand sticking from the bottom of his sleeve and usually he wore gloves to better hide it anyway. Most people didn't make the connection without seeing the whole arm so, consequently, it was rare he was recognized and most times he could shrug it off. Tonight, however, he had left his gloves at home, wanting to look his best for the date. Now, he was trapped here being bombarding by whispered judgements.

It was then that the waitress came back. Earlier she had been practically drooling over Bucky, much to your annoyance. Yes, he was extremely attractive, but he was on a date with you. Bucky hadn’t even noticed, his gaze fixed on you. Now as she set the check on the table, her eyes widened in fear as she saw his metal arm. “Here’s your...ch...eck…”

Her reaction must have been the last straw, making Bucky snap. Bucky stood, slamming his hands on the table. She flinched as if he may strike her, but he turned and nearly ran out the door. You hurriedly tossed enough money on the table to cover the check, along with a polite tip, threw a scowl at the people muttering about Bucky, and ran after him.

By the time you got outside and found Bucky, he was nearly to the end of the block. “Bucky!!” You tried to hurry after him, but it was tough in your heels. How on Earth was Natasha always so coordinated in them? 

At your voice, Bucky paused and looked toward you. For a moment, you thought he'd keep walking, but he waited for you to catch up. When you got to him, you saw how heartbroken his face was. You gave him a gentle smile and took his hand. “C’mon. Let's go home. You can talk when you're ready.” He gave a curt nod and the two of you headed back to the tower.

~~~~~

The next day you were sitting out on the balcony again. There was a cool breeze that added a slight chill to the air, but you still had Bucky’s jacket from last night. You had went back inside and put it on before settling down to work, reviewing the previous night in your head...

Once the two of you had gotten home, Bucky had immediately retreated to his room, nothing else said. You had gone to bed yourself, deciding to give him time and space. Now, you kept replaying the night over and over in your head as you quietly crocheted, focusing on the moment you and Bucky nearly kissed… 

With a dreamy sigh, you finished the last stitch. “There!” You smiled as you snipped the last piece of yarn, admiring the final product that sat on your lap. It really had come out quite well.

“(Name)...?” You looked up to meet Bucky’s hesitant eyes as he stood in the doorway. You hadn't even realized he was there! He walked over, eyes downcast and looking scared. You hid your project under your things and stood to face him.

For a moment, he seemed unsure what to say. Then he met your eyes for an instant before looking down and speaking in a trembling voice. “(Name)...I'm so sorry about last night… I was just listening to all those people and I couldn't handle it…they're right. I am a monster...” He closed his eyes in silent defeat and one stray tear hovered at the corner of his eye before breaking free and coasting down his smooth skin.

“Shhhh…” You cupped his face, thumb brushing away the tear. “They were being jerks. It's okay... Well, not okay they were being jerks, but okay you left. Bucky, you know those horrible things aren't true and you aren't a monster.”

His eyes opened, meeting your gaze again sadly, but holding it this time. “They're right you know. You could do better than someone like me.”

A patient smile graced your lips. “Someone as kind and caring as you?”

“If I was so caring, I would have slugged that guy for what he said about you.”

“Bucky. You know I wouldn't want that.” You chided gently and smiled up at him. “I know it's hard...but I'm here for you. You don't have to bear this burden alone.”

He nodded, seeming a bit calmer. “Thank you, (Name)...” Then an embarrassed look crossed his features. “I didn't even pay before I left.”

“I took care of it.” 

He frowned. “I'm the man. I should be a gentleman and pay for dinner.”

Suddenly, a wonderful idea popped into your head. You gave him a shy smile. “Then pay me back.”

Bucky nodded and reached for his wallet, but you grabbed his hand and shook your head. At his puzzled expression, you brought your arms up, slipping them around his neck as you slowly leaned in. You gave Bucky plenty of time to pull away, so when he didn't, you lightly pressed your lips to his in a kiss. Your lips lingered on his for a moment before you pulled back to smile at him, arms staying around his neck. At some point in the kiss, his hands had come up to rest on your waist and they now remained there. “There. Now we’re even.”

For a moment, Bucky simply stared at you as if he didn't quite recognize the woman before him. Then a curious look appeared on his features. “Did you tip?”

Your eyes rolled. “Yes, I tipped.”

He smirked. “Then I should pay you back for that as well, doll.” His arms wound around your waist as he pulled you in for a kiss, but this time it was deeper. Bucky held you firmly to him, as if he never wanted to let you go. Finally, the two of you broke apart, breathing slightly ragged.

Your arms stayed around his neck as you smiled up at him. “Bucky, you are an incredible person. You're not a monster. Next time you think that just remember…” You pulled away from him and moved aside your things to withdraw your small project. It stayed protected in your hands until you lightly stuck it to Bucky’s arm. “...butterflies don't hang around monsters.” Curious, he tilted his head to look at it. On his arm was a crocheted butterfly with a magnet glued to it. The butterfly was gray with a red star on the center, half of the star lying on each wing. Outlining it, was a dark brown. “Took me a while to find the right brown to match your hair.” His gaze shifted to your face as you smiled proudly at your creation. Sensing his stare, you looked up at him.

“This is what you've been working so hard on?”

You frowned at him, upset he didn't seem to like it. “Well...yeah...you've gotten upset about thinking you're a monster so I…”

“I love it.” Your brow furrowed in confusion. “You spent so much time on me. It means so much... Thank you.” He leaned down and kissed your forehead softly. Then a grin spread across his face. “The others will be so jealous.” 

You giggled, hugging him happily. “Doubtful.” 

Bucky chuckled. “I have a beautiful woman that's all mine. Of course they'll be jealous.” His arms wrapped around you in a return hug and the moment felt so completely perfect he never wanted it to end...

 

~~~Extended Ending~~~

 

Later that day, you were curled up with Bucky on the couch. You were sitting on his lap, head tucked under his chin as you gazed at the butterfly on his arm. He was watching some war documentary, idly stroking your arm as he watched.

As you sat in peaceful quiet, Steve and Tony passed through the room, chatting about something. When the super soldier saw you and your new boyfriend, he grinned. “About time!”

The exasperation in Bucky’s voice made you giggle. “Yeah, yeah…” Bucky turned and you looked up at him curiously. “Actually, that reminds me. We did have a bet, Steve.”

“A bet?”

Bucky looked down as he heard your soft voice and smiled. “Yeah. He said if we ended up together he'd go on as many double dates as we liked.”

The super soldier paled at Bucky remembering this, but Tony was in stitches. “Seriously?! Capsicle, that is a terrible bet! Of course they wanted to get together! (Name) always gets all smiley and giggly around Barnes and he would always make puppy dog eyes when she'd leave the room.” His eyes moved to your face, laughter slowly dying out. “So, did you finally realize Barnes would never make a move and moved first or did his desire to get into your pa…”

“Don't you dare finish that sentence.” You huffed and turned away in irritation, running your fingers over the small butterfly on your boyfriend’s arm. 

Tony took note of the movement and frowned. “What is that? Is that a...butterfly?”

You nodded. “I made it for Bucky.” The winter soldier smiled down at you, grateful you left out its other purpose.

Tony pouted at you like a child as he looked at it. “I want a little Iron Man butterfly! Why's he get one?”

You smirked snuggling close into Bucky happily. For a moment, he tensed, still caught off guard by the affection, but his arms soon slid close around you, heart quickening in happiness. “Because he's my boyfriend and doesn't harass people.”

“So? I thought we were friends! Barnes, does that sound fair to you?”

It threw Bucky to be so easily included in the conversation since he was usually ignored. His voice was wary. “I don't know…”

The man pouted at you before he looked at Steve. Immediately, his eyes widened, evidence of the light bulb that had just gone off in his head. He spun back around to face you, grinning. “If you do, I'll help you find a date for Steve.”

The super soldier’s eyes flicked between the two of you nervously. “C’mon, I was just joking…”

“Didn't sound like it.” Bucky grinned at his best friend.

Steve began to flounder in his attempts to change Tony’s mind, but you and Bucky were wrapped up in your own little world again. Not only was your butterfly a reminder he wasn't a monster and was loved, but it had gotten Tony to make an attempt to talk to him. A small step, true, but it was progress at least. Maybe the others would come around soon too. All thanks to you… Bucky leaned down to kiss your head gently. He forgot how wonderful it felt to have feelings for someone, but he had never felt this strongly about a girl before… You were the light that cleared away the darkness for him and although he doubted he'd ever be able to fully tell you this, he would spend the rest of his days showing you how much he loved you.


End file.
